14 Things Black Families Should STOP Doing to Their Kids
It's time to break the cycle and be more conscious of what we are instilling in our children! I personally have experienced each one of these and it truly left a mark on how I am as an adult.
1. Requiring them to contribute financially while they are still in their teens and early twenties.
It's all about financial freedom. This is the time to teach your children about saving and assist them to be independent adults. Too many black families are forcing teens/young adults into responsibilities when they truly aren't prepared for it.
2. Using public embarrassment as punishment.
Public embarrassment can make the situation worse, children can easily develop low self-esteem, bullying and so much more. Spanking, taking away games etc.. is way more effective.
3. Threatening their lives.
Just about every black child has heard the saying "I bought you into this world and I'll take you out" No you won't, that's called murder and if you will kill your own flesh and blood then you need to be evaluated. Let's be adults and learn better ways of discipline.
4. Beating and physically abusing them.
I'm not talking about spanking, popping hands or butts, I'm talking about smacking, punching and making your child bleed. They aren't your slaves. Plus how can you expect them not to hit people when that's all they have been exposed to?
5. Discouraging them from pursuing the arts.
Reality check: Every child doesn't want to be a doctor or lawyer. The only honors class I took in school was dance. It was my dream. Until my mother told me there wasn't any money in it (lies), embrace and encourage their creative side, it's what makes them unique
6. Partaking in homophobia and encouraging violence towards the LGBTQ community.
It's a new day and age. Regardless of your feelings and/or beliefs. Homosexuality is becoming more common and children should learn to love and treat everyone the same.
7. Not allowing them to have emotions.
Children are human beings. Emotions are natural, instead of silencing our children, help them learn how to express their emotions in a productive way. Not allowing emotions will hinder them in all types of relationships in the future and adding to the hundreds of adults who battle with not knowing how to open up to the people they love.
8. Perceiving dissenting opinions as disrespect.
Scorning children for having their own opinion not only strifles their mental growth but creates distrust in the family. The goal is to raise a productive member of society, not a robot.
9. Not allowing them to have any personal space.
Yelling "no locked doors in my house" is a national anthem in Black families. Even as adults we may need to step back and get our thoughts together or cool off. Children, with not even half of the understanding that we have, need exactly the same thing.
10. Continuously using explicit language.
This is a given. It's all about fucking respect.
11. Pretending that you're never wrong and not apologizing when you are, in fact, dead wrong.
Apologizing doesn't make you less of a parent. Not apologizing or admitting when you're wrong is like going to work hearing the customer is always right. They aren't. And you hate hearing that. It's all about building relationships and trust with your children. Stop being an entitled never-wrong prick. This is a valuable way to teach your children how to learn from their mistakes.
12. Making them call everyone auntie or uncle.
This is a mostly southern ritual but it can do a lot of damage. Children will tend to let down their guard and can easily be taken advantage of.
13. Ignoring sexual abuse and shaming your daughters.
It happens. It's not the child's fault. It's the parents. Children aren't meant to protect themselves.
14. Comparing siblings to each other.
Remember, remind yourself and never forget. Even though children may have the same DNA they are still individuals. Comparing children puts an unhealthy burden and wedge in the family. If your son is good at math it doesn't mean he's a better child than your daughter. They both have their own attributes.